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OK, first of all, the "Only 20 Jedi left the order" is this: Only 20 Jedi officially left, repudiating the order. They were known as "The Lost Twenty". Plenty of other Jedi left or took unofficial leave. Sharad Hett is one example. Thracia Cho Leem is another. They were never not considered as Jedi.

And where did this idea come from that there were tons of padawans who didn't "make the grade"? These Force strong children were carefully vetted by a Jedi Master who would bring them to the Temple -- if the parents agreed. The Jedi did not steal children. The Jedi explained to the parents the dangers of leaving a Force strong child untrained, but if the parents refused to turn the child over to the Jedi, the child wasn't stolen. That was a public misconception based on a notorious court case where the complainant was proven to be lying.

I happen to believe the Jedi code regarding attachment was wrong, but it also isn't true that none of these children knew anything about their parentage. Obi-Wan himself was allowed to return home to visit his family when he was still a young padawan. It isn't explained why, but from reading about it it could be surmised that it was done to ensure that he was making the right choice. He loves his family, but he clearly wants to return to the temple to continue his training.

As for the padawans themselves. These are Force strong children being trained to use the abilities. They live in a temple that is a nexus of the Force. They feel it every day of their lives. And they are different from other children -- except at the temple. There they are surrounded by others like them. I think Obi-Wan says it best when he's talking to Bail on Zigoola.

"I was born feeling the Force. Every day of my life I've lived in its light, every minute, every breath, for thirty-five years."

Then he goes on to describe what it's like now that Zigoola has stripped him of that.

"And now its gone. All is darkness. And I don't know who or what I am without it."

How many padawans do you think are going to want to leave? Even Scout whose connection wasn't that great didn't want to leave. She found ways around her weaker abilities. And that was the point. Yoda obviously saw something in her: he advocated for her, gave her a master, and brought her along with him to meet with Dooku.

When a padawan did leave they weren't just sent off with a "don't let the temple door hit you in the ass on the way out." Ferus Olin left by his own choice. The Jedi supplied him with funds to start a new life -- and they didn't want him to leave, but they didn't stand in his way either. As for padawans that were sent to the Agricorp; they were sent there for various reasons and they did not have to stay.

There's actually quite a bit of info out there on the OJO and their padawans in many different sources. Some of it conflicts, but what I've concluded is that while there was a type of rigidity in the OJO, there was also flexibility within that. I think every Jedi was treated on a case-by-case basis, and its very clear that the Jedi treated their young charges with affection and were dedicated to nurturing them.